No tags yet.
The things we don’t want to do really show us our personal boundaries; where our comfort zone ends, and where courage must take hold in order to go any further. This idea of "the end of our comfort zone" is widely regarded on social media as something to be challenged and pushed. Through the use of courage and ambition we can indeed push these bounds outward, but what’s the benefit of all this pushing? Is it even worth it…? This blog is about all that and more!
In September of 2015 I went to the LA County Fair 3 times! While having a blast with my husband and friends, I tried to bungee jump a total of 4 times! Sadly, each time I rose to the top of the jump, something snapped, and my primordial brain took over. My first attempt was right after my friend, Mandy, jumped. I was up next, I got hooked up, and I was lifted into the air. I did make it out on to the tiny jumping plank, but then I had this massive panic attack and demanded to be let down. “I can’t jump off of this thing, this is crazy!” I said to the employee. I was brought down and a crowd of onlookers were booing at my lack of courage. “I know, I’m sorry…” I shouted, as if I owed them this jump as much as I owed it to myself.
Later in speaking to my bestie who was able to jump, she said it was the best day she’s ever had! “When I jumped I felt free…” she told me. I wanted to feel that, and at that moment I knew I had to concentrate on doing something I didn’t want to do. But why? Why did matter so much to me? 99.9999% of people would simply say “that’s crazy, I’m not doing it,” but I went the completely opposite way.
When I ask myself why, I come to this conclusion: self-control. I hate the fact that I wanted to jump, but could not make myself do it. I knew that if I had jumped, it would have been the most exhilarating and rewarding jump of my life. I would try again, and again, but to no avail. The fair ended, and I was left feeling like a failure.
This failure left a massive blister on my heart. I tried, but I could’t stop thinking about it. I started researching other jumps in my area, and came across a jump off The Stratosphere in Las Vegas, Nevada, USA. Finally, in June of 2016 I had my chance to redeem myself. My family and I were in Vegas and my brother was not leaving without jumping off The Stratosphere. I signed up right along side him, but I was petrified! Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t scared of jumping - that fear does’t get a chance to take hold until I’m up in the air, looking down. I was scared of being scared; basically I was afraid I would become so scared again that I would wuss out and totally regret it later. I even asked my mom for advise and she said “I wouldn’t do it…! BUT, if I was going to do it, I wouldn’t let myself think about it. I would NOT look down, and I would just do as I was told. Don’t think about it, just do it!"
Later that night, when we got up to the jump site, I was next in line and entered the jumping room where they check you one last time before you make your way outside. I looked directly into the employee’s eyes and said "Please, just don’t let me wimp out!” He assured me I wouldn’t let myself wimp out, and we stepped outside.
We stepped out onto the highest platform I have ever been on in my entire life. I didn’t think about it. We took photos and video. I didn’t think about it. There was a beautiful view, but I refused to look at it. He told me to step on the edge of the platform. I did as I was told. I accidentally looked down, quickly squished my eyes closed, and asked if I should go backwards. He said “No, I’m just gonna give you the count down” and I knew this was it! He shouted “3, 2, 1…!!!” and I fucking jumped. I screamed bloody murder for about 7 seconds, and came to my senses! I was having fun! I did it! I didn’t wuss out! AND IT FELT ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE…! When I landed I was literally shaking; my hands were sweaty, and my knees were weak. I immediately started shouting at a complete stranger “I DID IT!!! I DIDN’T PUSS OUT, Oh my God, I thought I was gonna!!!” Here is the video:
Today, every time I watch this video, as soon as I hear my banshee scream, I start laughing hysterically! I am so entertained by that fear, and the fact that I was able to conquer it…! This memory means the world to me! My brother and I had a moment we’ll never forget, and I know that pushing this boundary will open the door to more adventures in my future. You see, now that I did that jump, I have proof that I can do another one! I can take that knowledge with me into any scary adventure and know I have a pretty good chance of success! That’s why I pushed the envelope, and that’s why these adventures are so worth the risk! You quite literally change your perspective of yourself. You see a new refection in the mirror. You are born again, and it’s amazing!
Where ever you are in life, I hope seize the moment. I hope you dig deep inside your very being, and find the ambition to push our limits, and the courage to reach your goals. Thanks for sharing in mine.
💜coley